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Secrecy and separation may lead to military divorce

For many Texas spouses, strengthening their marital bond often occurs at the dinner table when they share the details of their days. Those daily experiences allow the spouses a glimpse into the time spent away from each other and provide a certain amount of decompression as the spouses express their feelings about the day’s events. However, for those in the military, sharing details of daily events may not be possible, and this void may contribute to the high rate of military divorce.

Servicemembers with high security clearance may be especially bound to secrecy, preventing them from the intimacy of sharing the most basic conversations with their spouses. In fact, for some, the person they must be at work is very different from the person they are at home with their spouses. This dichotomy may become a wall between them. When civilian spouses cannot enjoy the simple connections other couples share – such as stopping by the office for lunch or asking about a spouse’s day – they may simply pull back from communicating at all.

Advocates for military marriages recommend that couples find ways to bond and communicate that can overcome the need for secrecy about the servicemember’s missions or job requirements. Having memorable date nights or sharing an interest in a special charity may provide fodder for conversation beyond the servicemember’s job. Often, a servicemember may wish to share the emotions that the work produces rather than the confidential details of the job itself.

Unfortunately, unexpected or prolonged deployments take their toll on a marriage. Secrecy required for the job may build mistrust or lead to behaviors that a civilian spouse may not understand or tolerate. When facing a military divorce, a couple must deal with issues different from those in a civilian breakup. For guidance and help, many in Texas turn to a dedicated attorney with experience in the laws of military divorce.

Source:, “How to Overcome Secrets in Marriage“, Corie Weathers, July 7, 2017

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